I have been trying to break free of a smothering parent, so I really empathize with the back and forth guilt/strengthened resolve feelings. I *still* have that, even though I started to break free ten years ago (already ten years too late!).

It's really sort of mind blowing. If you miss a phone call from your parents and then they spend the next call lecturing you, they think you are going to be quicker to call them the next time you miss a call??? If they do that again, maybe you could interrupt with "When you berate me like this, it makes me not want to call you at all," and then hang up if they don't stop.

Also, it's okay to shift the power all the way back to you, not to the center. I remember some of your other threads. Your parents do not behave reasonably. It's okay for you to set whatever limits make you happy and stick with them, even if that means you only talk to your parents once every three months or not at all. I had to go 100% no contact for a bit in order to get to a place where I could resist the boundary incursions. For me, the essential thing was just remembering that it is okay, that what I want is normal and what my parent wants is not healthy.

How often did your parents talk to their parents?