Yeah, it was a crazy day. It was all in-person stuff for work (ugh). Which should have actually made the brainstorming easier, but it didn't. It was just so hard to focus with people having side conversations (loudly!) and it really pushes a button for me when I feel completely ignored and invisible . So uncomfortable.

Now I have work I'm supposed to be doing, and really just feel like I'm spinning my wheels on. I feel like my brain has turned to mush at this job... so not fun!

Oh, and we just got a message from the new director guy 3 levels up, that we're all expected to be at the "townhall" in person (for someone higher than him) tomorrow. I have no interest in going to this thing. It's always boring, corporate stuff that doesn't mean anything to me, it's like 90 minutes long, and I'd rather just be home. I may have some sort of physical problem tomorrow that prevents me from driving in.

I see what you mean about your mom. That's kind of sad, in a way. I do think that I sometimes can be a tiny bit like that, but maybe not to that extreme. The example of not being able to prop open the fire door does seem like a really minor inconvenience, not something I'd hold on to like that. I guess it sounds sad to me because, for myself, when I've got a lot going on in my life it makes it much easier to let go of the minor stuff. I only really get stuck on minor stuff like that when my life has *nothing* else going on. (The busier you are, the more minor stuff seems not worth worrying about, because there's just not time/space to worry about everything!)

Yeah, my brother. It did get there yesterday, so that's good. I think he's just trying to find himself... he's sober for the first time in a long time, finally out of jail, trying to find a job and get his life together. I don't mind talking to him, but yesterday was just such a stressful day already, and he's called a couple times during the week, usually in the middle of the workday, and it's just a bit too much for me right now. I probably need to proactively call him sometime in the next couple of days to make sure he's doing OK and let him know that me being a little snippy wasn't personal.

I'm so sorry that your job situation sucks too. It really is awful. I hate that jobs *can* provide so many positive things, but when they're bad, they just suck the life out of you and make it harder to do anything fun. Maybe not everybody reacts like this, but to me it feels like being in an abusive relationship - it sort of knocks down your self-esteem, thus making it harder to leave.

Oh gosh! And I was just reading something yesterday about how being in a bad job can be worse for you, psychologically, then being unemployed! I'm not sure I buy that... but it was an interesting thought.

I think using the job that you don't care about (and that has a known end date, right?) to practice skills is a GREAT idea. Especially if you can come up with specific things you want to react differently too, and a concrete plan for what you'll do.

That's absolutely ridiculous that the company won't let switch vendors. Wow. I wonder if they're getting some kind of kickback from using them? That sales rep sounds so completely incompetent, how frustrating. I think it's easy to do what you do - worry that you're somehow contributing (I do this too, a lot!) but it doesn't sound like you are. It sounds like you're fine here, it's just the incompetent sales people. How crazy frustrating! Was the sales guy's boss really no help at all? They can't at least give you a different, hopefully competent, sales guy?