It's been several years now since I stopped making myself purge. When I did this I was 16 to 18, I'm now 22 and whole situation still befuddles me. I started doing this out of the blue, I didn't have a particular hate of my body (I was over 400 lbs at the time) but I still did it. I sometimes think that it was the change in my life that brought it on. My family moved and things overall were better. My mother and father didn't fight, school was good and we lived in a house rather than a dilapidated trailer home. In this time that I purged, I also lied about it and made everyone believe that I had worse stomach and intestinal issues than I honestly did. This alone is something I haven't forgiven myself about. Because of this, I didn't finish school and had to get a diploma over the internet but the damage was done. I lost out on so many experiences that I would have had, dating, making friends, being something close to normal for the first time in my life. The purging came to a head when a real issue manifested because of my Gallbladder, which had been passing stones for about a year, became inflamed and had to be removed. After that I stopped purging out of fear of being discovered and a lack of desire to continue. I eventually told my mother the truth, she was shocked but called me brave and told me about her bout with purging when she was depressed. I just don't know how to take all this in, how to forgive myself (do I deserve forgiveness?) and to why I did this and lied to everyone I know. I just not sure why.