Thanks so much to everyone for the great advice and support.

To some extend I think that I know the theory of what I need to do. But actually doing it is another thing entirely. My parents are masters at changing tactics and they work together with other family members. I'm programmed, by my up brining to avoid conflict and I still find it really stressful to stand up to them. Also, they are good at making me feel like I'm the one who is getting things out of proportion, not them. So, it's really helpful to get a second opinion along with valuable advice. The one area where I agreed with my parents is that I could have texted them back simply to let them know that I was o.k.. But, as always in this relationship, I was conflicted; caught between two problem. If I did text, then I would again allowing them to pull my strings and respond whenever they desire. There will be times, in the future, when I can neither call them nor text to say I'm o.k.. In any case if wasn't o.k. what are they going to do about it from 200 miles away and not knowing in what way I'm not o.k.? The other way in which I feel conflicted is that I really hate to inflict pain on someone. Guess that's another product of my parenting. It was so hard to hear my parents tell me that they feel I don't care about them and how we used to be close but not any more. I'm not made of stone. This kind of thing would upset anyone. When I was very young my childhood was quite idyllic and my parents did do a huge amount for me. I am grateful to them for that. It's so hard. I hate them for making me take such extreme action. But I've tried to confront my parents many times about their problems and they never accept that there is any truth in what I say.

I agree, to some extend it's my fault they they expect me to call at periodic intervals and even at a specific time of day. I will start to vary the dates and times so it becomes more random. That should do a lot to address the expectation. During this particular phone call I mentioned that I called them when I am free. Again that caused displeasure. I was informed by my mother that "I was her son". So I take that to imply I apparently have certain obligations to discharge, and that those obligations hold good whether or not I am verbally abused when I do call. My mother contacts her mum on a daily basis and they do many things together. My father, on the other hand, rarely contacted his parents. In my view both sets of grandparents are/were toxic. I think, as pointed out by several people, I am giving my parents far too much scope to talk and set the agenda for our conversations. It doesn't help that I now have very little to share with them, because most topics are now off limits for one reason or another. But non the less I will try to shake things up next time. I also like the idea of asking them lots of questions, keeping them on their toes and setting the pace and direction of the conversation rather than letting them direct things. I think it's right. I don't could actually shift the balance of power not just to the centre but to favour me. After all they own me some back dated payments of power, lol. The wicked side of me toys with the idea of turning the tables on them. For years my farther has undervalued and under minded my opinions and beliefs. Perhaps I should take something that I know he approves of and make the odd derogatory comment about it. Or perhaps I should try to put doubts into his mind about something that I know he cares about. Maybe it would be fun. After all my parents have derived well over 30 years of entertainment from doing this to me. Maybe it's my time for me to have a go now. I used to think that they were victims of their own parents and that they really couldn't help their own actions. But now I think differently. They can see what effect they are having, after all they monitor my reaction and manipulate me until they obtain the effect they are hoping for. While I'm trying desperately not to propagate this negative behaviour any further, to friends, colleagues, etc.. They indulge themselves in order to control their narrow little world to service their own ends. Their comment about someone dying was pritty typical of the kind of thing I had to put up with when I lived with them. I guess it summarises also just how responsible they think I am for their lives, that a phone call could make the difference between life or death.