Hey Secret- I'm sorry you are going through that kinda hell. I know it's hell because I spend most of my days ruminating over the same questions. Some times I just have to yell at my mind "STOP"! I try very hard to distract myself with ANYTHING that takes my mind to a different place but lately even that has been difficult. I think you know what actions you need to take should your idealations border on actions? I do hope you have a great therapist if not, RUN don't walk back into therapy. I really wish there was a magic pill for those of us who spend our days in this unrelenting pastime but... I need to keep some hope alive that POSSIBLY life COULD get better. I'm going to try Ketamine Infusions soon as I have tried just about everything else. I really hope you can find something that will offer you relief, just know you are not alone...