That's the past. I did some really screwed up things as well. I even tricked my mind into believing certain things. I'm still delusional just a bit. But any energy you have, use it to get better. Make small goals for yourself. That's what I'm doing now.

It's about the good things that you and other people do to build you up. Think why are you drowning and grab anything that can help you stay afloat. Survival and reproduction is what life is unfortunately but you can make it more than that.