Well tomorrow I will have been clean for 60 days... Finally. My drug of choice was pot but since I started going to meetings and clearing my head, I realized that when in a bad place mentally I will abuse a lot more than weed. I actually forgot or suppressed all the times I abused benzos, pain meds, or over the counter sleeping pills. This past weekend as I was approaching 60 days I got a really bad case of food poisoning. I felt like I was being tested or something because I know all too well that smoking pot always settles my nausea. I refrained but thought, just shy of going to the hospital (if I couldn't stop vomiting) I will smoke. Thankfully I was able to stop on my own though I've had a history of not being able to.

Still, as I approach 60 days... I'd really like to get high once in a while but history tells me that once in a while does not happen with me and weed. I have fantasies of smoking after 60 days clean, starting over and smoking at 90 days clean, starting over and smoking at 120 days clean and on and on. The problem with that is that it just will take that much longer to get a year.

As I look at what I've written here it is clear that I am still on step one. So congrats to me for 60 days but maybe now I should turn my focus to the steps. The positive things about my recovery is I did finally get a sponsor, I'm honest with my sponsor and in meetings, I have a home group where I make coffee, and I'm going to 5 NA meetings a week and one AA meeting.

Speaking of that... I need to get going. I've got a "grab bag" meeting starting in ½ an hour.

Thanks for letting me share.