Quote:
Originally Posted by Claritytoo
Before I knew I was did I would freak out if I suddenly realized that I don't know any of the information that I knew an hour ago. I never understood that at the time but if I calmed down the information would come back to me. What was actually happening was I would switch to the part who knew the information. I had/have a part I called inbetween, he was the one who would go get information from a file and give it to who ever was out so there wouldn't be any questioning about our behavior. But most of the time I would just switch to the one who had the info. Sometimes I would have to ask the person I was talking to, to repeat the question because it felt like I just got there. They would and I would answer.
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yeah. i really have no idea what goes on with my head and all that. like i've said, years ago i used to have a lot more activity and stuff inside and thought i understood things a little more...but no...and now when things come up since it's not a lot anymore, i am just confused with how to deal with things because things have shifted to such a degree so it's like it's new to me each time i feel something.
i am a lot more present in my own body than i used to be so do have a lot of times where i am mostly 100% myself, but then there are times i feel shifts and not like myself but cannot figure out 'what' or 'who' it is behind me (inside, i mean). i mostly seem to get feelings, silent thoughts (cannot explain that one) instead of feeling a huge shift of things like i used to.
my dissociation has always been more internal than external as in even though i dissociate(d), it was never really known to anyone around me. always been a little of me left when dissociated but not enough to fully know what was going on.....still cannot even explain it after all these years.