Just always in my core is this feeling that I'd like to retreat and just try to get disability if I can. I feel hopeless inside and yet I am forcing myself out quickly and doing stuff I couldn't have imagined before.

I don't feel like I know who I am or what I can do. Always walking on a tightrope.

It's all from the meds and yet I feel like I don't know if I will be able to keep getting or that I will lose them. Always reliant on something or someone.

I honestly, I just, I feel very close to making a dire mistake.

I wonder if what I am doing is considered courageous. Courage not being immune to fear but pushing forward despite fear, like they say.

Trying to push through the fear but I feel like I am going to be swallowed up. Am I too weak for this world?