Man, this doesn't sound healthy. How happy are you with your current family? Very importantly, I'd like you to think for them. It's not impossible to find new people we can trust. Cool yourself down and move on with the reality. You can do fine on your own.

I don't know if this is relevant, but recently I've been watching a lot of Amy Winehouse. She was an alcoholic, drug addict, and very attached to her boyfriend. Those were all destructive aspects in her life and it's very painful to watch a good human being suffer like that. The conclusion I want to draw about is that obsession, addiction etc only lead you to pain. Stop while you still can. You may feel positive about somebody of course, but don't get lost in it.