Hi IDM,
The weight of depression.......depression can definitely creep in on you and definitely be physical too.
AND.........I'm sorry you're struggling IDM
We know it will end, because it has before, although that isn't always going to help in the here and now things can/will change.
And in getting to that point.........is there anything more you can do for yourself instead of "hanging in there" e.g. some self care, bringing forward appointments..........??
Although it is really good that you've managed to share on here how things are for you, perhaps we can share the load a bit until it gets lighter.
So anytime you want to talk..................

Alison