Hi eden1515,

I also have a major fear of the phycologist/phyciatrist. When I first talked to my doctor about what was going on, she put me on paxil, and did not explain at all what I was about to go threw....just hey here take these pills and you will be fine. A week later, I downed that whole bottle of pills, and ended up in emerg, where they pumped my stomach and sent me home. A week after that I downed another bottle of pills, ended up back in the hospital, but this time in ICU, hearing voices and seeing things that were not there, I spent a week in our local phych ward and was released with a new antiphycotic ( I am not even sure what it is called anymore) 3 days after I was released, I ended up getting in my car, I swallowed all of my pills from the doctor, as well as a ton of sleeping pills, with half a 66 of whiskey and drove my car into a ditch. I was revived twince and spent a week in ICU before I woke up, i woke up confused and disoriented tied down to a bed, with tubes in and out of every hole possible covered in bruises. From there i spent another week in phych, where they did the exact same thing, he are these pills take them and you will feel better. From this experience, i decided that pills were evil, the doctors were all evil, and as far as i was concerned they could all go to hell and I would deal with these problems on my own. I masked everthing with drugs and alcohol, and decided i was fine ( this could not be farther from the truth) I am only starting to accept the fact that I have a mental condition that needs to be properly addressed. I am still scared to all hell that the new doctors are just gonna do the same thing, hand me a prescription and dismiss it like it's not a serious issue.
However, with the right support in your life anything is possible. With the help of a very dear friend, who is going to be with me every step of the way in the beginning, it has made the situation a little more barrable.

I guess the moral of my story is this: Trust is the hardest thing in the world to obtain, and keep. The only thing you can do, is start out with the small things, and work your way up to the bigger things, and always always always trust your instincts. Always remember that you are strong and there is always somebody here to talk to, no matter what I hope my story helps you a little bit, you are not alone