Thank you all so much for the encouragement and advice! I've been going to lots of meetings. I spoke to a lady in the program and she explained that what I'm going through are the signs of early recovery and that I should channel my energy into constructive outlets so that's what I've been doing. So far it's been working. I have so much creative energy that I have been able to focus on my future and start ideas of how to be successful and build a life. It's actually quite exciting. Instead of focusing on the sexual aspect or on other people's opinions I've been thinking of business ideas or on buying and selling things on eBay (not in a manic way

) I think I'll make it one day at a time. I'm going to keep an eye on self destructive ideation and if it starts again, talk to my doctor about med management. Talking to my sponsor and others in the program is the only thing saving me and my HIGHER POWER!!!!! Love to you all. XOXOXOXOXOXO. Life is so much better not drinking and using drugs. Even when it's hard, it's better than it was. I can feel again and good or bad it's an improvement from being numb. What a revelation, haha.