Thank you for timing the arrival of this new forum to coincide with my first day here. I'm pushing fifty and have been in and out of treatment for nearly 30 years.

Some meds seemed to strengthen my coping skills for a while, but I am not so sure any of them actually lift the depression to any significant degree or length of time. Wellbutrin and Effexor were pretty good until they were not, Depakote and a few others didn't help at all; I am struggling big-time right now, after a few years of reasonable success with Cymbalta. Recently started supplementing that with Trazadone and it helped a little.

Except for a lucky seven-month stretch about a year ago, I don't think I've ever been anything but depression or manic for more than a few days. The mania is rarely dangerously high (except to my bank account) but the depression can dip pretty deep and I've been hanging on the precipice for about two weeks now....which is why I am here. I tend to have a lot of anger with my depression, and I want to bite everyone's head off. Mostly I manage to restrain myself, by sheer strength of practical-reality awareness and years of practice - some days my acting reaching academy-award level.

My depression is rarely the "my life sucks" or "I am a bad person" brand; it is more along the lines of "people in general suck" and "the world sucks," so anything from a news headline to a dead kitten in the road can plague me for hours. Mostly I just don't give-a-flying flea one way or another. I don't actively want to die, but I don't particularly see why any of us work so freakin' hard to go on living in this world. Seems like the main thing "non-depressed" people have going for them is some kind of delusional gift for pretending things are better than they are.