So, I know the answer to this is to talk to my T, and I will do so in my session tomorrow. I think I just needed somewhere to organize my thoughts and maybe get some feedback if y'all are willing to help me out.

I'm struggling with my mood right now...think maybe I'm headed for a mixed episode, but not really sure. I made my T aware that I'm struggling, and when I feel like this, talking on the phone is just about the hardest thing in the world. I don't like talking on the phone normally, but right now, it's even harder. My T is willing to receive text updates from me in lieu of talking on the phone, because she knows how hard the phone is for me.

On Monday night, before I expressed that talking on the phone felt impossible, T offered a phone conversation in the evening. I had plans until later in the evening and really, really didn't want to talk on the phone anyway. So, I replied to T's text and just said that I was busy and that I was "anti-phone" that evening. I did, however ask if we could speak briefly on the phone on Tuesday afternoon. On Tuesday, my T asked me what I meant by anti-phone. I explained that I just really didn't feel like talking on the phone, and I meant exactly what I'd typed. She seemed to understand and we moved on.

I got to thinking about it, though, and noticed that T often reads more in to what I type, either via email or text, than what I intended. When I text, I am very direct, say exactly what I mean, and there's never any hidden meanings. Text is too short a form of communication to play games. In email, I may be more wordy, but I'm still totally honest...I don't play word games. I guess I'm bothered that T seems to be trying to read more in to what I'm saying than I intend. I feel like she thinks I'm trying to play games or be manipulative or something, but I'm not. I'm just saying exactly how I'm feeling. Maybe I need to work on my phrasing or something, to indicate that I'm being honest and direct and there's no hidden meanings. I probably just need to tell T that, so that she will stop trying to read more than is there.