I understand what you are saying. It is demoralizing. Unfortunately, this is a hard situation to turn around. You're a giver and he's a taker.

One thing I would do is praise the heck out of him whenever he happens to do something right. Beyond that, you may have to try learning to be less giving. Maybe, make your willingness to attend to his needs more dependent on what effort he puts forth.

Also, try to get involved in activities that might put you around other couples. Then let him know how you notice and admire guys who are more giving toward their wives. It would do him good to have some role models he could imitate. I'll bet his own father was this way, so he's probably grown up thinking this is normal.

I disagree with the comment that you are being needy. But I would consider incorporating the vibrator into your bedtime interactions. Guys are usually very aroused by a woman's arousal. So if he sees you responding to the gadget, he might get more interested in doing what it takes to get that response from you.

If you are putting in a work week as long as his, then he should be helping with housework. Start giving him some jobs. Start small.

Also, make it understood that things like flowers on Valentine's Day are an expectation. I know you would rather be surprised than have to ask, but this is about reconditioning his mind to a new and better sense of what is normal in a marriage. Also, surprise him with little special (inexpensive) gifts now and then . . . and the occasional love note. He is totally taking you for granted, and you've allowed that, so he thinks it's okay. Gradually raise the bar on what you expect. And praise any improvement he makes.