I'm glad you are going tomorrow and that you plan to tell that this is a crisis situation. Please, if they can't help you, give in and go IP. I know you've said you don't think they'll accept you but they will. You're wanting badly to hurt yourself, you are afraid of what you might do to yourself, you are so manic you are very uncomfortable and agitated (which is potentially dangerous), and you are becoming more and more this way. Your mania is causing you to think things that you know are dangerous and scary but you can't stop it because it is mania, uncontrollable by nature.

You can't wait 8 weeks. I was TERRIFIED of hospitals and refused to consider them for many years. When I knew I was going on the MAOI I knew that I would have to go IP to get on it safely, especially they way we did it with overlap between it and imipramine. My pdoc thought a 6 week taper would be ok and so I had things set up for work to be off at the 6 week mark and had that date in my head. And then 4 weeks passed and I was in a scary place, flushing my excess meds and barely surviving work. I refused to go in at that point because I was "going to make it to 6 weeks". Ha. I made it to about 5 and had to say that I couldn't work anymore because I couldn't focus on my patients and I was spending their sessions thinking how much I hated doing what I was doing even though I actually loved what I was doing and loved 99% of my patients. (Ok, 95% ). And so I went in and I spent the entire first day crying and the only reason I could give was that it was such a relief to be out from under the rules I had created for myself and to be somewhere that I could feel miserable safely.

You need to go now, whether it is tonight or tomorrow, but you need to do it. It will feel SO GOOD to get off all those stimulants. I truly believe that will be half your battle because once you're off so much stimulant medication and on something more calming besides klonopin you'll lose that horrible agitated, can't live in my own skin thing that is so horrible. And once you're in those stimulants can go fast and be replaced at the same time by drugs that are better for you.

I know you can't see it probably. It's hard to ever see it and that's part of the evilness of the disorder. But really, they can make you feel better and isn't that what you want????