Lunatic Soul,

I too feel for you, it can be as devastating being told by a doctor that the problem is in your head, than the original condition is. I find it very unprofessional and irresponsible for a doctor to tell anyone that if they can't find a physical source of a problem, that it's a pyschological issue.

I suffer from the opposite of your condition, instead of feeling pain during intercourse, I feel nothing...I've lost the sensation in my genitals. I can still get aroused, get an erection...but as I can't feel I lose the erection, go soft, and many times either do not ejaculate or ejaculate without an orgasm. I know it is very hard on my wife as well as myself.

But the day when the doctor told me that because he can't find a cause for the loss of sensation (I've injured my back at L3-S1, but not at S3/4 where genital nerves come from), that it must be in my head, I started a major downwards spiral. You see, what complicated the matter is that I'm bisexual and the doctor stated that perhaps my loss of sensation is from some level of guilt over my sexuality, or perhaps that I'm actually gay, that I'm not attracted to my wife and that I'm just going soft because I'm not attracted to women.

From that meeting I started questionning everything I had ever done, from my first homosexual relationship as a teen to getting married and having kids with my wife. I started avoiding sex, spent some significant time masturbating to gay/bisexual porn, and became emotionally distant from my wife and children...and none of them knew why.

What bothered me so much...my wife knew of my sexuality since we first met, I've always accepted my sexuality (it's part of who I am). Being a logical person, I tried to find justifications for things. At one point and time I even thought of finding a gay or bisexual guy to have sex with just to see if I would "feel" with him.

In the end, I saw a sex therapist both to help me "re-accept" my sexuality and to help me reconnect intimately with my wife. The first thing the therapist told me was that she couldn't help me with my physical loss of sensation, but could help me accept and cope with it. It has taken me years to get back even close to where I was before that doctor filled my head with nonsense and doubt, and I still have to work at it...the thought still crosses my mind from time to time if I should find a guy and see if it cures me. The problem with that is it recreates doubt and guilt.

I know that this is your thread, but I really wanted to share with you that you are not alone in essentially having been "mentally/emotionally tortured/assaulted" by thoughtless remarks by a doctor.