Hello (((eden))). I've been where you are. When I got to this point I said to myself I wasn't going to let it beat me and got to my p-doc. I also realized my medications weren't going to do all of the work for me. I had to participate in keeping myself going. Self harm is just that. Harming yourself. Not a move in the direction you should be headed. I went down that road. Don't betray yourself like that. is the ultimate betrayal of self. I've taken that road too. Who's to say what's on the other side isn't worse? You are your own best advocate, keep fighting for you and don't worry about saving face for the benefit of others close to you. Let them in so that they can help you. If they don't help you go on with out them on your road to recovery.