I keep making updates about drugs. But about the same drugs. Just out of boredom, fear, and excitement that I got by doing something bad or against the law when I was a kid. So some people try to ignore because of what I'm doing with my life, not caring about myself etc just being nothing else than an "Addict".

But now I'm following my schedule that I made for myself. The lack of replies most times made that clear which is good because it gives me insight to what state of mind I'm in. I agree with making two rooms. Means new people can talk instead of having to look at this place where everyone knows eachother.

I'm extremely optimistic and have built a good self esteem over the years.

I have a problem with drugs because others think that. I can think for myself. That's their opinion but if my stimulant gets taken because they think it causes psychosis, I'm done with treatment because I had psychosis before I took any med. I'll be delusional again. The only proof that I have is my own mind.

MY MEDS WERE PERFECT AFTER TWO YEARS. Now they want to hang the damn stimulant above my head and tease me so I stay at more appointments there and be a psychiatric patient for life.. I swear that's the truth. Sadist psychiatrists.. They'll play around with you and enjoy the power of controlling people with drugs that no one really knows about.

A delusion just now creeped up on me that we we're going to live in two houses. I'm so dependent and also, I was not having psychotic symptoms this morning but my psychologist said I was. My main psychosis was if I can try to recall.. Manic as **** with no insight. It's the meds though eh. For 2 months or so, I was a complete maniac. I'm ok with any label as long as I can use it to explain my illness but I never do that. I say I have a problem mentally, joke about it and then move on. If I said I was schizoaffective, as newtus said, they'll just say schizophrenic. It's unfortunate that my assured income will be accepted immediately for schizophrenia as if it were more disabling than most other mental illnesses. Bipolar is high on that list too. Of course bipolar would be as its a devastating illness but the stigma.. Such disrespect after accepting the mentally Ill after the inventing the typical antipsychotics.
That was fun for them eh?

I don't think there's much more to say and I do it without insight and don't remember what I said. Then I look at my previous posts and say wtf.. It feels like I only said these stupid things once.

I'm going to try and study in a minute.

I would do research like this on illnesses, drugs used to treat it, ect.. Only when I'm motivated and tweaking which is never anymore. I put huge effort into daily living which sucks. Then the Vyvanse kicks in.. And I go back to sleep..