it definitely sounds like it to me. i am sorry you are struggling with that torment.

i struggled with anorexia and other symptoms for seven years, sometimes three or four behaviors at once. it was complete hell.

it took me three years into it full blown before i realized i was in deep trouble and desperate to make it stop. unfortunately, at that point i was already so far in that i could not get the adequate help needed since there wasn't the level of care i needed available to me.

i would encourage you to seek professional help/support because it sounds like you might be at a point where you could use it and it might be of benefit.

i have found some things below for you to check out.

NEDA has the option to chat with a professional (or phone) if you are in the US:

NEDA Support Groups | National Eating Disorders Association

mentor connect can give you access to peer support and also weekly online chats:

MentorCONNECT, eating disorders mentoring, Shannon Cutts, Beating Ana, pro recovery support community - Join

the looking glass foundation (based out of canada) has a free support chat (more just a free for all type of chat and not always someone is there):

LGF Online Chat | Providing Support and Resources For Those Suffering From Eating Disorders

ANAD has a list of in-person support groups around the US and the option to contact someone via phone or email for information:

National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders

hope you can find something somewhere where you live to try to help with this. i understand how lonely and scary it is and how much it takes away from your life.