Hey Rayne,

I too emphasize and completely feel your frustration. I'm 36, and moved back home with my mother in 2012, after my father passed away in 2010. My mother does a lot of the same things to me as well, and like you, I cannot afford to move out and live my own life the way I want.

After getting a lot of feedback about my issues with my mom here on the forums, talking with a therapist, and even friends and family who aware of my situation, it ultimately comes down to finances. Like you, money keeps us tied to our parent(s), especially in this economic climate. With that comes co-dependence on both sides; and a depressed mother who also uses religion doesn't help the situation either. Again, like you, I'm also an atheist who lives with a religious parent. They definitely use that sort of thing against you, and because it's religion, there's no rational compromise; you can't reason with someone who ultimately has such differing beliefs when religion is the backbone of their life.

What you need to do, as it's the same thing I'm doing, is trying to get my life in order one day at a time. Change needs to come, which means start saving money, even if it's a little bit at a time. Once you have financial freedom and you're able to have enough saved up to get you moved out, it will help immensely.

You said you keep/protect her from the knowledge of your intimate life with your boyfriend. Smart move. Again, religion is definitely playing a part what she thinks about how you should go about having a relationship. It was the key thing that started the fallout with my mom, thus me ending a relationship with a woman because it didn't adhere to her approval. It seems that a lot of mothers look at their children in relationships as betrayal and cheating; you're supposed to give them all your love and attention, and they don't understand why you would want to have an intimate relationship outside of what you have with them. It's pretty much emotional incest. And sex is the ultimate betrayal. My mother still thinks I'm a virgin, and she told me that if I wasn't one, she'd disown me from her life. Thus, I keep her in the dark. It's none of her business, as it's none of your mom's business either.

It's going to sting and hurt like hell, and will probably cause a lot of damage in the process, but if you want a life of your own, you're going to have to move out and keep your mother away from certain things in your life. From what I've researched and have gathered from others, that sometimes it's just what a parent like yours needs; seeing that you need your own independence and that you can fully function without them can sometimes send a jolt through them that wakes them up out of their shell, which can lead to them being less controlling over you, and not making you feel so guilt ridden. But it can also do the opposite. But at the end of the day, it's your life. You can't spend the rest of your life constantly fulfilling to her needs and demands. If you do that, you'll spend the rest of it hating yourself and her, and one day you'll wake up and your life will be over.

It sounds as if your mother can physically and financially manage on her own, therefore you leaving shouldn't cause you to feel bad about doing so. If it's all emotional with her, she needs to tackle that herself, and deal with you being an adult. If you don't do something about it now, it'll only get worse. As I said, I'm 36, and my mother treats me as if I was 16. I never took a stand or full responsibility for myself until I realized it was to late, and now look where I'm at; I'm not allowed to date or have a relationship, curfews, financial control. It's not how an adult should live his or her life.

Take action, that's all I can recommend.