I am better now. I decided to post positive as I did post my sadness before.

I decided to let go of my identity of who I was and the career I had. It have been very freeing in that I am not haunted. It helped with my depression a lot. Also, my friend did healing work on me, but mostly, I worked very hard on myself.

It was hard letting me feel the feelings and maybe it is time that healed. Who knows.

So now I accept my low paying job and the manual work I do. Afterall grateful for a job. Sure, I had better job and career before but this is my life now. It is still a whole lot better than some people.

Now, I need to deal with relationship/ friends and family problem.

I am not completely happy but it is still much better that i don't have the deep depression.

I really disturbed a lot of people by reaching out to them. But I realized it was because I love myself and I wanted to live. Some were kind but sone were just cruel. For others out there, don't mind those cruel people. And sometimes, they don't mean to be cruel. But keep reaching out. Hotlines and a place I could email and this forum helped a lot. Keep reaching out. Keep finding places. If one place makes you feel horrible, keep trying. I mean at one time there was a person on the hotline who wasn't helpful or another that said that we needed to wrap up for other people. I mean I felt horrible when that happened. You keep trying. Go outside. Walk. Sit. Cry outside. But do no harm to anyone or yourself.

I have gone up and down.

Keep reaching out.

Much love and healing for you all.