Hello All

Lucky me, I get to go and spend time at a "dysfunctional family reunion" of sorts *sigh* I'm NOT looking forward to doing this, but because we are having a burial for my grandmother, I feel I should make the effort in her memory. I loved my gram so I should put myself out to say my last goodbye.

Out of the 30+ family members that will be attending, there may be about 5 of them that I look forward to seeing. (maybe more if my nephews show up too) The rest of the gang, well, lets just say they could take a dive off a rolling donut as far as I'm concerned.

Ya know, the one thing you can depend on with family is that they will always hold onto the past and never see someone for who and what they have become throughout their life. I have not always been as open and logical and supportive as you have seen me here at PC. I was needy and made some pretty big mistakes (like most) through my life. Just once, I wish I could wipe the slate clean with this stupid family of mine so they could see the real me.

I know that miracles do happen, but I don't think this one will. I'm getting more and more anxious about the trip to CT tomorrow and I really really don't want to go. It's hot and muggy and traveling in this weather takes a lot out of me. I seem to have some kind of issue when I get overheated, my nerve endings don't work properly (possible MS or other neurological issue, undiagnosed). Anywho...thats neither here nor there.

I have relatives (cousins) that flew in from California, not sure if my Aunt and Uncle did, I pray they didn't. They are the most arrogant people I have ever met. Anything they do, they think they have the Lord's blessing. They rationalize EVERYTHING that goes on in their life, but hold everyone else to a much different standard. No one can measure up to how worthy they are. Yeah right....and I have ocean front property in Arizona to sell them too...*rolling eyes*

Then there is my one an only sibling...my brother. Yeah, now there's a guy for ya. I will say he is a pretty dang good dad. He tries really hard for his sons and his stepsons. I will give him that. But that's where my appreciation of my brother stops. He's done more to hurt me than anyone could. He doesn't understand, nor does he care as long as HE is in the right and above all reproach. Right................ok then!

Alright, I'm done complaining now LOL. I think you get the idea I really don't want to go to this thing. But, I'll bite my tongue (maybe) and work through it as best I can. Ativan will be my friend for the next 2 days I take it very very rarely, but I'm sure glad I've got it when I do need it!

So, the point of all this is to say that I will miss you all, my adopted family. I hope you stay well, be kind to yourselves and each other and if you have to talk about me behind my back...please let me in on it when I get back I will need a good laugh!

Love to you all!

xoxoxox
Jean