What has been such a big challenge to me is how much of what I did have that was so positive was destroyed, and how much I have been disrespected in how all that loss has affected me, and ofcourse ended in my developing PTSD.

The end result has been that of my being "detached" as my subconscious mind is struggling with attaching to anything positive in fear of it being disrespected and destroyed. This is not something my conscious mind was recognizing, but instead just kept me detached.

My therapist wanted me to make a list of the positives in my life, what to be grateful for. I have not been able to do that, what I have realized in this challenge is that because I have been discredited constantly (in the legal process as well as in psychological mistreatment even by professionals) for what I did value, that my ability to reattach has been further damaged.

I have been getting therapy for bad therapy and I am working with a lawyer who has been trying to fix my case from my case being handled so badly as well.

It is very hard to emerge from the fog when so many push you back into it, including family members who through lack of understanding tend to criticize and demand "you need to just".