I have been suffering with "thought broadcasting" as they call it, were everyone around me can read my mind. for years.

it started off innocent enough. at age 15. i went back to high school several times and tried really hard to be a responsible young person, i was even able to go to college for a couple years in my early 20s.

but at some point my thoughts became more vicious towards the people around me. i don't know if this happens to normal people. but i started judging people on the city bus on my way back from school. i started having automatic racist thoughts and judging people based on their income. i knew these thoughts were wrong. but i could not stop having them.. this was the point in my life where i basically gave up. i quit school and started drinking. I have not gone back since and can't kick my drinking habit either i am now 31.

i feel like there is no real point to live. i cannot quit alcohol no matter how hard i have tried because people will always read my mind, and my thoughts will never be kind enough. so even if i had a perfect set of actions. my thoughts would still cause me enough trouble that i just don't see the point to try.

i am very depressed right now. and plan on going back on abilify soon, it is a mood stablizer as well as an anti depressant and it even has anti psychotic properties. but no amount of meds have ever been able to make me feel normal in public for very long.

so how do you control thought? is it even possible? i have tried meditation, counting, reading street signs, closing my eyes on the bus. i have tried music. everything i could think of with out any positive results. any suggestions?