Hi Justice,

It's pretty clear that you certainly don't owe your family any explanations about attending any event. A simple "No, I'm not going" is good enough. If they ask why - "Because I don't want to".

Hopefully you will be able to break away from them. Kind of reminds me of someone I became very close to during one of my hospitalizations - we actually became roommates after for about a year or so. Her family abused her in cult rituals but at the same time pounded a bible. She cut them out of her life, but I think one of her alters (she was MPD) would call them when she was vulnerable and they would show up.

I guess what I'm saying is that as awful as your family is, I wonder if part of you wishes so hard that it was different that you keep trying to reach out to them. I know I banged my head against a wall doing that with my mom for a long time. You just wish so hard that they were what you picture as ideal that you think you might be able to do the one thing to make it right, when in reality there is no "one thing" that will change everything.

I've been telling my nephew that. He's 27 and moved in with me last night for a couple of months. He had gone back to his dad because he "missed having his dad around". Of course, dad was a raging abusive alcoholic and was never around anyway. Well, his dad has been treating him very badly and I couldn't take it anymore. Last night when he told his dad that he had lost the trust of his mom and aunt when he was a teenager but that we told him he's earned it back - his dad said "they are a bunch of assholes, they are just being nice to you because it's easier than telling you what you really are. You're just a loser, a liar, and a thief and you'll never be anything else".

I found it laughable because his father is so incapable of being a good father. But my nephew is mourning that he can't have the dad he wants - it's true and it's sad.

I wish for you to find some people who can replace your family and be the support that you want, need, and deserve.

Tranquility