We talked about how it was an ending, not abandonment. She'd still care about me, blahblahblah. I was 22 and still very unstable and very clingy and childlike with her. All that talk about it didn't seem any less like an abandonment. I cried and begged her not to end every week, but she said I was "better" and needed to move on. I think I cried about it every day for at least a year afterward. I ended up in the hospital and then a group home. It was hard and I was young. Probably the hardest thing ever. What I am going through now hurts really really really badly, but I think back then it hurt even more. I didn't understand how she could care so much and then just turn it off.

We ended just before Christmas, and I tried to be put a smile on my face for my grandpa because I loved him so much and we knew he only had a few more months, but I sat there with tears streaming down my face for the whole Christmas season.