Cash as you are realizing this episode is turning dysphoric and it seems like you are going to start crashing hard. I hear it in your words. The illness is starting to tell you the dark ****. It is lies! Don't listen. You are awesom and inspiring and I want to be friends with you on here so don't you dare stop posting.

Keep talking to your mom. She sounds awesome and like she would take a bullet for you.

I am really not okay with the fact that it will be so long until you see the new Pdoc.

Have you looked into hospitals in the area that you could check into voluntarily. Research them while you have some control and choice. It may be the best bet. August is too far away. Safety aside you are suffering and it is going to get worse. You don't deserve to suffer like this and you might not need to. Fight for yourself Cash. Whatever you need to do. Now is the time to go Diva on the mental health profession. Do it now. Don't wait unti it has to be done to you.

I am seriously with you.