Lately I’ve been having suicidal thoughts. I feel so alone, worthless, hopeless. I was the one that was there for others and no one is there for me. Sometimes, reaching out just proves is more. Like, no one understands or cares. Most of the time, I’m so unhappy. I already know that things are not going to get better, this is just how my life is. I don’t know why I keep reaching out then, it only leads to more frustration. I’m not sure what to do anymore. So people’s lives are just messed up from the start. I hate how people say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, some problems last a lifetime. Why do people act like suicide is so bad anyways? Is it so horrible to release a person from their ongoing pain and suffering? Of course there are good times, but it’s not worth it. If there is a heaven, there is no pain or suffering. I don’t know. I’m really scared to die though and I’m unsure what happens after life on earth. I don’t know. I’m just hurting so bad and I’m completely alone. People hate me and I have like no friends or family. I’m like really flawed or something because once people get to know me, they want me gone. People have so many judgments about me. A few years ago, I use to be naïve and thought that this world was good and people just want to help each other. Now, I realize we are truly alone in this world and we have to do things by ourselves. Well, I have birth family and I was the one who kept giving. They think my life is just so great. I know people may judge and say that I am just feeling sorry for myself, that is why I don’t like opening up too much. This is really how I feel and it’s painful. There is like nothing or no one to turn to it feels like.