Thank you both for your help.
Perna, you're right... He's the one who's stayed with me so far. If anything, he might have already noticed I act strangely sometimes when I'm depressed. If not, I'll let him decide to stay with me or not. Yeah, I'm sure he'd want to make that decision himself.
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Originally Posted by Perna
I think your fear of being left is not helping you or him.
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I'm not worried about him leaving me, and I don't think he would if he found out my issues with depression. I just wonder if I'm taking up the time of a nice, young man when he could be with a girl who's more cheerful. But, it's good to remember that no one is perfect, so I wouldn't know what his future holds either way. I know it wouldn't be my responsibility.
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Originally Posted by Perna
Bailing without giving him the opportunity to speak for himself about how he feels hurts you even more than it does him because it gets you in the habit of not thinking well of yourself or trusting others to love and help you (what "partnering" means?). And it is disrespectful of the other person and their ability to make decisions about their own life.
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I think I've had problems with that before. I keep thinking no one would like who I am as a whole, including the bad side of me. I see where you're coming from, but it's my life too. I hold half the responsibility of this relationship, and if I'm dealing with too many issues of my own, then it may be best for me to call it off. But... I think I could give this relationship a shot. You're right that I should listen to him.
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Originally Posted by Perna
I would talk to him and share some of your experiences with being depressed and not work so hard to be upbeat when you are not feeling well. It is one thing not to complain when we don't feel well but another entirely to "hide" that we do not feel well and pretend all is good?
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Hm, so I should be okay with not feeling down once and a while? I have trouble doing so, but I could work on it.
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Originally Posted by Rose76
I think you should let him decide what is best for him.
Being in a good relationship can help alleviate depression. Are you going to deny yourself a partner in life. That would be a pretty depressing way to live.
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I agree, and I'll let him decide. I know that some people can live on their own happily, and I think I wouldn't be too upset to live single. However, this relationship has done me much more good than bad. I would be unhappy to give it up.
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Originally Posted by Rose76
It's good that you're honest enough to recognize that you have a chronic emotional problem and to be concerned how it would affect a partner. But try raising the bar a bit on what you expect of yourself. Yes, for his sake you would have to try harder on those days that you don't feel like getting out if the bed, but challenge yourself to do just that.
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I agree. I think the first step to overcoming an obstacle is to admit you have a problem, so I made a choice a while back to be honest to myself about my feelings, so I can start working them out. I had spent years before denying what I felt. I do know that dealing with a depressed partner can be emotionally draining, from what I heard, so this is what I'm worried about most. I just don't want to hurt him in the long run
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I agree to not let my depression beat me up. I would be sad to see someone I care about falter in their depression to a great extent. I know it can't all go away by will, but I can affect the course of it.
Thank you both again.