I have probably been bipolar many years but it is more difficult to function now.

Ever since my really manic high a couple of weeks ago that was followed by a dark mood I have not felt I have returned to what I thought was my baseline. But then perhaps my perceived baseline was too high and this is the reality. I have been feeling rather despondent since my discharge from the hospital this month and am having trouble pulling myself up by my boot straps. I don't know what I should do differently.

My mood has taken a deeper dive since returning home this evening and finding my Diphtheria kitten dead. But even before that I have been crying and semi-freaking out worrying that the CDC will take my horse away from me. I NEED that horse. The CDC spent four hours here recently asking many, many questions and culturing every living thing on my farm that could be captured. They said they may return to do more cultures on the house and barn and I am not certain what my rights are when it comes to the CDC. I kept them out of the house so far by telling them I have no electric in five rooms (true) but I guess my second worst fear is that they would condemn the house. My first worst fear is that they will take my horse away from me. I know I am behind on some immunizations but he is well fed and I believe content. If I lose this horse that would be more than I am capable of coping with.

The only good thing that has happened is I went to Health Plus a week ago when I was having to use Ventolin every half hour to breathe. So I got a shot of solu-medrol in the butt and a weeks worth of corticosteroids and I am actually able to sleep seven hours now that I can breathe. But the fatigue remains as does my dark mood.

So I guess my question for you is what can I do differently to get out of this funky mood?

A therapist recently told me that neither the high highs or low lows were "real". How do you determine what is reality and what is not?