Sunny made a good point and clarification about what to expect from a couples counselor: that they aren't the same type of support that one would receive from someone like my clinical psychologist. That is an important point and one I didn't consider. And I believe this to be important because I don't think I am strong enough yet to handle that sort of thing. Although, that is what I want - to mend the relationship (I think) and get some honest answers from him. Although my point to my T has always been that my h means well, he just has his own set of issues, one being that he says things that he wants to believe but usually is not true. . It makes it difficult to "believe" anything, or hope for anything and after you've been burned a couple of times (okay maybe more than a couple) it's tough to raise that hope again.

SpringStar, you kinda sound like my T in saying trust my gut. And you make an excellent point when you say that maybe my h is relying on my abusive past so he doesn't have to deal with what is really going on. I hadn't considered that, or hadn't wanted to consider that.

I don't know when life became so complicated. I guess I just keep telling myself that as I become mentally healthier, the answer will be clearer. Until that time, It's walking through quicksand that won't drag you under but won't let you go.