Its been a while since i last came to psych central, a lot happen. My sister who i love dearly left 3 months ago and got marry to someone i never met. Since she been gone i been feeling so alone. I'm 18 now, yet i don't feel it and now i'm in that age where i have to be thinking about my future and being responsible but i have this fear that i am going to fail.I been pushing away family, i been isolating myself and lately i been shutting the world off and i know that its not healthy but i feel more safe alone because lets face if anyone gonna be there for you its you. Its more because people are cruel judgmental people that been bringing me down. Last night i cried for no reason, me 2 o'clock in the morning crying for no reason and getting up to go to school been harder to do my school start at 7:45 my bus arrives at 7:16 its like a 6 min walk to the bus stop and lately i been waking up at 6:50 or later i will wake up at 5:50 because i use to to get up that early to get ready for school but lately i will wake up and go back to sleep. I will come home and sleep again. Its hard, and it gets harder and harder and harder everyday getting up for school and getting up in general. I don't have friends like i said people can be cruel and i'm just plain awkward.
i Know that i should seek help but i don't think its gonna help, its so predictable
to know what doctors would say.
i been distracting myself with books,art,music trying not to pressure and stress myself, it hasn't been working but at least i'm trying.
i been sinking.
I feel like i been sinking like i'm falling, like when your dreaming and you fall and you wake up but i'm not waking up because i'm not dreaming and how much i wish i was. It would make so much sense. I always thought that maybe i'm asleep and this is my nightmare and i will wake you happy. I wish i was asleep.