Quote:
Originally Posted by notwithhaste
Long story short, my T promised that she would never abandon me. She nearly broke that promise a couple of weeks ago -- she told me that she “couldn’t do this anymore.” But then she changed her mind, and now she says that she “isn’t going anywhere.” But she won’t PROMISE, like she did before.
She says that she can’t make promises like that to me because it would constitute “taking me in as family,” and she can’t do that. She “has responsibilities to her family.” She says that she screwed up when she made that promise to me.
But she also says that I need to learn to accept that these things happen in relationships. People make promises, wanting to be able to keep them, and then they aren’t able to, and they end up breaking their promises. It “isn’t humanly possible” to always keep your promises – and she wasn’t being malicious; she made the promise because she really wanted to be able to keep it.
It sounds to me like her basic position is that, because she is human, she will inevitably end up breaking some of her promises, and if I want to have a relationship with her, I need to learn to accept that – and that acceptance will allow me to have better relationships outside of therapy, as well, because I will be able to tolerate people’s very human failings.
Am I wrong to expect more from a therapist? If I have “trust issues,” should I be able to expect a T to tread very carefully around those issues so as to not cause more damage? Or is that just unrealistic? Am I asking for too much?
I'm afraid to talk to T about it. I'm afraid that she will leave. And I feel like I should seek a second opinion, but I'm afraid to do that, too. Posting on here and getting feedback feels helpful...I hope I'm not annoying everyone with my posts. Thank you for reading.
|
I have read most all the post now, and then went back to your thread. I am not sure what the difference is in her statement when she says, "I am not going anywhere." That was said to me too. I saw that as the promise. Yes, a few times if I asked her to promise, she did say yes, "I promise". But, I guess in my mind if she didn't say I promise that statement alone would have been a promise in my mind.
I am having a hard time understanding that promise takes you in as "family."
i agree with her that it isn't always possible for a therapist or even a mom to keep a promise. To me, as long as a promise is made with good intentions, I can deal with the aftermath. Previous therapist never made promises to me and yet, their therapy left me like a piece of scrap buried in a smelly trash dump. It took me years to recover.
notwithhaste, I don't think you are expecting too much from your therapist. IMO, it is the therapist job to take your lead, and figure out how to work with you. She needs to gain your trust. It becomes difficult when therapist are not clear in the beginning of what they are truly capable of then start changing things because they can't handle it. The client truly suffers, and many times cannot be repaired.
I hope you will find your voice and spill your fears, so that your therapist can help you through this. Reading this board, can be enlightening, frightening, and darn right confusing to get your answer. It caused me to second guess everything. Give your therapist and yourself a chance to understand what "I'm not going anywhere," means.
In therapy, no one shoe fits all. And, my wish is that all those that choose to practice the different therapy professions (including my ex), bank that alongside their do no harm clause.