Hi Friend

I can understand your frustration being so young and feeling so helpless. but believe me if you can't handle it yourself its better to let the professionals to handle it. some times anti-depressants are the best option. they relax you and get you out of the miserable state so that you can have a clear mind. then you can try other options like relaxation, meditation, exercise because right now you wouldn't even have the mind to try or keep it going.

first i want you to understand that you are depressed and accept it's an illness. you are not secreting enough brain chemicals. when you accept that it calms your mind and then the healing begins. resisting and denials are going to worsen the situation. and i appreciate your trying to distract yourself with all available resources.