I did not have children, partly because my stepmother was abusive and I was afraid I would be too (mostly though because my husband already had 3 sons, had "been there done that" and I would have wanted my children to have had an interested, involved father; too, I was almost 40 when I married).

I got to know my husband, dated/lived with him for 5 years before we married. I watched how he treated his mother, his ex-wife, me, my stepmother, friends, coworkers, neighbors, etc. People don't suddenly change (unless they suddenly become ill and the illness alters their behavior/mental state) so, paying attention to how you feel about how someone treats you, not just "out" at restaurants/on dates but at home and hanging out and not doing much and watching how they treat others, especially women, should tell you a lot about the person and whether you want to be with that person, feel safe with them and loved/cared for. How they respond to what you have to say, your worries, whether they try to help you with your concerns, etc. are all important things to consider.