I don't use this forum frequently, but I want to share some conclusions I have been getting to. My post is big and I am not sure if I really want people to read this or even to give some feedback. But any way, here it goes.

I don't know why I am this way, but it makes me think I'm not a full person. I'm half what a person should be. I'm empty of conection with the outside world, I am empty of goals. I am just someone who is physically here.

I don't know if there is anybody out there who feel the same as I do. You may think you do by my description, but it is not the same as actually feeling it.

I live ignoring the world and myself. Free of any existence as if I was the only human alive and even I didn't know I was an human being.

Life like this is awfall, but worst than feeling like this and have no porpuse in life is imagining what I am loosing and what I will never experience. I will never know what is true frendship, true love, true happiness.

The things that make the human specie so unique, I will never know how they feel like. In 23 years of my existence I never did.

I think the major porpuse of life is conecting with other people, having a social network, having close ones that can help us go through the motions of life, someone we could share our happiness with.

But the way I feel about the world just keeps getting worse. When I imagine how my life will be like in some years I imagine someone strugling to keep his professional life (by many reasons) and I imagine myself alone, maybe a pet I won't care about.
This is a dark view, but I think it's a pretty acurated one. If the future was today it would be like this, and I have no hint that things will change for me.

I think this is like a condition I have to live all my life with. I don't see this feelings as depression consequences since there are many things that doesn't fit...