My family is not supportive of me and they can be cruel. I've limited most of my interactions but I see them in controlled situations I've mentally prepared for. I tell them "I'm not mad at you...I just can't f**k with you". I have an Aunt I have not seen in almost 3yrs but I talk to several times a week. The last few times I saw her she was so mean I left in tears. On the phone I can control the contact.

Recently she was hospitalized several times and sent to rehab. I called but didn't visit. Today she decided she would tell me off for this and all the things I haven't done for her. I told her she could be very mean and hurtful and I don't like having my feelings hurt so I stayed away. This of course unlocked the flood gates to what a terrible person I am. I told her I never said I was a good person. That I stayed away, minded my own business and tried very hard to never ask the family for anything.....ever. I need to protect myself and the family does not care about me. I would rather be dead then have to ask any of them for anything. Her anger was so red hot I felt like it was burning me through the phone.

I'm 54 years old.....54. I'm tired of dealing with other peoples anger, cruelty, ignorance and unhappiness. I can no longer carry their burdens and I can't be their whipping board. My life has become very small but isn't that better? Allowing someone to mentally or physically abuse you just to have a lot of people in your life is not having a life. I've spent a lot of time thinking about how to end my life. I think whatever life I have left to live should be somewhat peaceful and have at least a little happiness in it.