Well I was going to write a detailed list of comments, but felt too out of it to do so, then when I saw Dex's nice listing, I knew I wouldn't have to! LOL you fed right into Dex's need to answer: numbered comments!

It IS the depression talking. The exercises you do, whether in a book or not, are good for you. We have years and years of negative thinking. This is often aided by others in our lives (as you mentioned one spouse...) and we accept it. To counter the years of emotional/mental abuse, it takes time!

Continue the exercises. That you received even a smidgeon of relief, however brief, is excellent! Repetition is what works. Don't talk yourself out of it. Try not to counter it with, "This will never work." thinking TOO quickly. Reprogramming is what you are trying to do... hang in there (and hang out here!)