I feel like I dont deserve anything. Love, happiness, material items, friends, anything. I feel extremely embarrassed if somebody tries to give me something or do something for me. I feel weak and insecure.

Everytime somebody tries to do something for me or buy me something, I don't know how to act. I feel very uncomfortable and embarrassed. If im on a date, I feel obligated to pay for things because I don't want the other person to think that I don't have money. Which I dont and my family never really has. But I give off the image that I do.

I hate opening gifts during Christmas in front of my family because I don't think I deserve any of them. I don't have money to buy anybody anything so it makes me feel embarrassed to sit there and open gifts from my parents. I've always felt this way since I was a child. Im in my 20's now. During birthdays, I try to stay away from my family because I don't feel worthy enough to blow out my candles and accept my parents gift. Sometimes I feel sad and guilty and sometimes I feel pure humiliation.

I feel really uncomfortable and awkward when someone hugs me or touches me. Especially towards my family. It just doesnt feel right to even hug my parents. I only feel comfortable and "good" hugging somebody that im dating or in a relationship with. Literally. My parents never wanted to give me affection when I was a child so why are they trying to do it now? I dont want any hugs from them now. Id rather somebody elses parents hug me.

I can't open up fully during sex that ive had in my past relationships. Only been in 2 but still. I feel insecure despite the fact that I am not unattractive and my body is in shape like any other 25 year old. Im just very insecure and I can't connect all the way. Nobody understands why.

Wtf is wrong with me? Even as a child, I never felt good enough. I guess it all started when kids started bullying me at school. Calling me ugly and stupid. My mom thought I was the dumbest person in the world. She always used to call me a moron and talk to me like I was ****in retarded when I was like 10 years old. On top of her and my dad beating the crap out of me.
I just hate being uncomfortable all of the time. Who is ever gonna love me if I dont even love myself?