Good luck with your new T, moonkin. It's hard to build trust with someone and then have to start all over. I hope you can get off to a good start with the new one.

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Moonkin said:
I feel that therapy is a trip of lies, that in which I need to stop feeling....

I dunno how to make the sessions "worht while" I'm afraid,ashamed, for no reason but because I'm lying the whole visit, not able to find trust in a doc

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I think that sounds like the key--you are having trouble trusting, so to protect yourself, you lie in session. Lying really doesn't help your therapy or to build your relationship with the T. Could you try to start with the new T and not lie? If there are things that are just too hard to share, instead of lying, how about just not sharing those? Yet. Just tell the truth about what you can, maybe it will be day to day stuff. Build trust with those little things, then work up to sharing more meaningful and difficult feelings and topics. The T does not expect you to dump your hardest stuff with him/her in the first few visits. They all know that trust takes a long time, especially from those who have been abandoned, rejected, and hurt.

Hang in there, and good luck!