I just become pen pals for a time and then set up a date at a nice quiet place with a good selection of beer and listen to their passions, their hobbies and what most moves them. Talking about failed dates always works too. Sometimes if I'm very nervous Ill write out a list of questions, comments and jokes so that I feel comfortable, have a couple beers to loosen up and then head out the door to meet her.


I'm still friends with some of them. However, I can't quite seem to find mutual chemistry. It's always one does feel it and the other does not, which still leads room for help.


But breaking down that I have Schizoaffective bipolar with panic attacks is not pretty. Every night I have to cope with it. I try to hold off on that, but I had to distance myself from the last woman due to my meds not working sending me spiraling down into full blown bipolar.


Then there is the issue of the interior me. I have a rich interior but with all I've been through and all I'm going to go through I don't know how long I'll live. Just questioning that makes me think I shouldn't date, because im a train that fell off the tracks and might end up in the lake below the bridge. I've been told I'm damaged goods. Interesting to see my epic decline. I know some of you have It worse that me. You're all very strong.