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Old May 26, 2015, 09:19 AM
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s4ndm4n2006 s4ndm4n2006 is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,052
Quote:
Originally Posted by spaceid View Post
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. Yesterday, he brought up the fact that we need to find more things to do together to strengthen our relationship. I agreed that I don't like just hanging out on the couch all day either, but he is very interested in us exercising together, specifically running. He loves to run and it makes him feel great. I have tried to become someone who runs a couple of times a week on and off for 5 years now. I never stick to it, although, because I absolutely hate it. I don't feel good during or after it and I don't find it fun at all. We tried last year to run together and on our first outing we got into an argument. I had worn the wrong sneakers and they made my knee hurt. I was surprised that my knee was hurting so bad and I just said out loud, "Why does my knee hurt so much?" and he snapped at me that he didn't know. I wasn't specifically asking him, I was just wondering. We didn't talk much the rest of the day. Now he is pushing me to go again and I said I would try, but I am not looking forward to it. I have told him that I don't like running or exercising with people, but he doesn't seem to listen. Or he thinks I'm just making up excuses.

I just don't know what to do. I want us to find activities that we like to do together, but I can't find anything that doesn't involve spending money that we don't have. I like going to the mall, but he hates the mall. I like board games, but he doesn't have any interest. We both like going out to dinner, but he says that is not enough. He specifically wants us to exercise. I took him to play tennis, but he didn't really enjoy it. We both want to do yoga, but the studios are too expensive and he won't take yoga classes at our alma mater because there are too many people. He seems to want this ideal of this perfect couple running through the park, but I am not that person. I have never been that person. I will try, but I just feel like I'm just giving in to make him happy.
Finding things to do together should never be in spite of one's interests. That's like making him go to book clubs if he wasn't a reader and only you were. He is being entirely selfish in forcing you to be a part of what is HIS interest alone. On the running front, you should stand up for yourself and stand firm in the idea that you don't like it and should not be forced to do something you do not enjoy. Not only that because of the fact that you do not enjoy it, you are not building good memories together, just potential resentment and more bad memories every time he becomes rude when you happen to be in pain or can't handle it.

On the interest front, somehow calmly suggest that you find things that you actually have in common and agree to have your separate interests and keep them individual. As a couple you are not to be enmeshed and have to do everything together but be individuals with enough things in common to share in to keep the relationship on an enjoyable level.
Thanks for this!
spaceid