Sorry I haven't been here lately. I am battling a deep depression and am isolating a lot right now. I am fighting right now not going back home to my little piece of the world. I am out at my parents house right now and will stay here until after supper then will flee home. I didn't go outside at all yesterday except to smoke. I don't smoke in the house. I didn't even go to the mailbox when the mailman came.

I am really trying to stay in the present and not dwell on thoughts I shouldn't be having. I am on daily contact with my T and usually end up having to call him several times during the day. I have an appointment with my pdoc in the morning and I am scared she is going to put me in the hospital. I don't want to go back because there aren't any places around here so I'd have to go to Little Rock which is 4 hours away and no one can come to see me because it is so far away. I am trying very hard right now to stay out of the hospital.

I will try to force myself to come in more often and maybe that will help.

Jbug