I'm not going to be perverted, this issue just really bothers me and makes me uncomfortable. Some things that i like, i admit more than anyone are dark/sick/screwed up a little, most are just in the "kinky" spectrum, but some are just really not okay. i hate feeling disgusting for it, and it just seems to be a big cycle. I'm just constantly wondering, would i be this way if I hadn't been abused? I really feel so messed up sometimes and i really wish i wasn't but i still just like the stupid things i like and can't stop. It's becoming more and more of an issue as it adds to my already low self-esteem in terms of hating myself and feeling absolutely disgusting. I'm not very sexual either, i don't want to do things because the idea of sex makes me very anxious and scared and i just can't...