Bipolar has ruined my relationship with my husband. I suspect I have had it since I was about 18 or so. I was only diagnosed last May. My husband and I began swinging in October. So far it has gone better for me the than him. I have had a few really good experiences and he has had only a couple.

I never wanted to be a swinger. He talked me into it because he had fantasies about me having sex with someone else. Slowly we moved into that direction. After an incident of me having oral sex with someone, we established a very firm rule of asking first. I violated this again a couple of weeks ago. Both times I ess selfish and intoxicated. I also had an online chat with a guy and did not tell my husband until a couple of days later. He has been reading my texts since about December as well as checking my Facebook messages, my Instagram, and my email accounts because he no longer trusts me. And I don't know what to do. I working on detachment from sex and impulse control.

To make matters worse we swapped with a couple over the weekend. I had a great time and he did not. He and the female did not have enough time to connect beforehand. So he had trouble performing. We saw them again the next day and the same thing happened. This time he was able to get an erection a couple of times but she was not ready when he was. We were supposed to see them a third time before the returned home (they were visiting). And it did not happen. The guy sent me a text to say goodbye and my husband later deleted his phone number because he was bitter.

We did have a great couple that we were swapping with. It started off strong and continued to be strong for he and the female but interested faded with me and the male. A couple of weeks ago the husband shut it down. He felt his wife was getting to attached to my husband (she was). All of this has led to severe depression for him. He doesn't think i love him because I violated our rules and talked to someone online (sexually) without telling him. He says our relationship and our sex is not romantic. He can only get turned on by thinking of me and someone else. Now I am suffering because he is suffering and I realizing he doesn't really seem to love me anymore. We have been together 18 years today and have two kids.

My bipolar has cause me to be selfish, compulsive, hypersexual, risky, self-destructive, and emotionally abusive.

Can anyone offer advice? I don't know what to do and have no one to talk to.