For me mania is 99.5% dysphoric and always mixed so it's really hard to answer but there are degrees of irritability. When I start being irritable with strangers I'm in a bad place. I tend to make snotty comments and roll my eyes and generally act like people are completely stupid. Or I argue over stupid things. When that starts the paranoia will kick up from "they're talking about me" to "every door must be locked and triple checked and I'm scared to shower because someone could break into my house and kill me or leave me for dead and then my poor mother would find it and and and and and". Until being on here and reading about your fascination with music I NEVER would have said I do that when manic but I do. For years I just couldn't tolerate music and I guess I still think of myself that way but 3 years ago while manic I found a group I could handle (Selah, lovely Christian music if you don't know them) and I listened to them non-stop on youtube and my ipod. I spent a lot of my swagbucks money that summer on itunes. Last year I got hyperfocused on another Christian singer, David Bailey. And now I'm listening to Zach Sobiech and Sammy Brown on constant play. When I was with my nieces today I had a hard time not putting it on. Which would have been ok but my niece would have felt ignored. I listened to the same 7 sons for 2.5 hours yesterday and then more in the evening and I'm on my 3rd or 4th time through tonight. I don't think this is a euphoric thing though; I think it is a way to try to overpower the noise in my head. One line that I only cross sometimes is between rapid thoughts and a lot of static in my head and hearing voices. Since this episode has included voices I think I'm trying to avoid hearing them with these lyrics. I haven't heard any for a while but I'm being cautious maybe? I don't get as caught up in it as you do, I just NEED it. Alternatively I need total silence. And I can't know when I want what.

The more manic I am the harder it is to express emotions. I think I get cut off from the emotional me or I block her off because I hate who I am when manic.

Another thing that happens at different levels is my ability to communicate and remember. When I'm hypomanic I can usually get through sentences. There may be extraneous, completely unrelated information, but I"m understandable. When I'm manic I forget where I was a lot, get very mad at myself, often can't figure it out even with cues, and getting words out verbally is very, very hard. I can write better than I talk because nobody notices if it takes me 10 minutes to make sense and I think the written words give me better reminders than others can give me. I can type and spell very well when I'm not really manic; right now if spellcheck didn't exist I'd never get anything comprehendable written.

I get more morbid the more manic I am. I have a 20 year old cat who has been in renal failure for 7 years allegedly. (I don't really believe this because she's gotten healthier in the last year and last June I was told she only had a few months left and in October was told again that it was probably nearing the end. Instead she's gained a pound and is curled up purring and talking to me now. I think she had a grain allergy and I fixed that and she's a very healthy very old lady (who was diagnosed as a self-mutilator recently which I found funny given she lives with me; she picks up on my episodes sometimes and I think this time she picked up on it and it caused anxiety and she chewed her belly up which she did when I was hospitalized once and again when I was very manic once before). The vet actually said "THAT cat is still alive???" (and I have no idea what I was saying.....ok, so I know Anna is going to die and that beyond 20 is pretty unusual for a cat. I know someday I'm going to either walk in and she'll be gone or it will clearly be time for the last vet trip. And until I am better I will think she is dead every time I enter the house. She's deaf so my entry doesn't wake her and I'll wind up leaning over her to see if she's breathing. My other cat has another condition and could die without warning too and the same goes for him except he's not deaf and usually meets me at the door. Or many other examples; I'll be sure something is the worst possible outcome even when there isn't much likeliehood of that. Mania sees the scary side of everything.

Sometimes the depression is more predominant and that happens even sometimes during these very manic days. Actually most days my mood chart has several 9s and several 2-3s and maybe a 10 but no 1s right now.

Mania is when I tend to get physically sick because I burn my body too hard and eventually some germ will get me. This episode was in the early stages and was depressed when I caught influenza and spent 2 weeks in bed and confined to home because my fever wouldn't break. I came out of it manic and that just got worse and worse.

I guess I see more differences than I knew..