Quote:
Originally Posted by raspberrytorte
I'm only going to use my last manic experience for a comparison.
I was functional the entire time (as in, going to work, etc.). I don't think I was acting bizarre around others. Only person who could tell I was acting weird was my husband. I work alone and don't talk to very many people. I had like three moments where I felt euphoric, but mostly it was just a terrible, awful, anxiety ridden experience. I had two days of elation, and then just sky rocketed up into a bad, frantic psychosis.
I wasn't irritable during it. I wasn't paranoid. I thought I was dreaming. There were some scary hallucinations that were probably due to some slight paranoia.
My husband told me that I SEEMED euphoric and wouldn't believe me when I insisted that I just felt bad.
In all honesty, I don't remember the entire experience very well. I'd have to be reliving it to fully remember what it was like. It was just bad.
I'm sure your manias have been worse.
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I doubt my manias have been worse. I am an extremely intense, terribly naive person and those characteristics make for some severe manias. Plus, I think I just discuss it much more vividly than most. This is why it is so important that I have reality checks in place. These days, I can usually begin to tell on my own, mostly by my extreme lack of judgement, when I am becoming manic. I don't, however, always admit to it. Just in the last few weeks, I have left my toddler in a running car while I went inside to wash my hands; when I came back out, she had locked herself in the car. I left my 7 year old home alone (and scared to death) for about 10 minutes because I thought she was in the car. That's not to mention the 2 car wrecks in 2 weeks or me running WAY into the corner house's grass while driving earlier today, swerving all over the place. I am desperately wanting to run away, to drive to Florida, to walk away from my family for a woman. Weighing the repercussions is still a possibility, but it is becoming more difficult. I feel euphoric some of the time, unstoppable, buoyant, engaged, effervescent, whimsical, outlandish, dreamy, grandiose, fanciful and supernatural. Other times I feel dysphoric, distressed, agitated, highly anxious, morose, irritable, bitter, curt, empty, awkward, and inhuman. My mood (Tuesday's) is gone with the wind (Lynyrd Skyryd, no less). I find myself meticulously pacing as though it is my job...and dancing like I'm ignorant as hell. And, once more, I find myself OBSESSED with this damn website (anyone else?
). But most of all I have my obsessive habit of finding the most intense song I can find and placing it on repeat for a very long standing period of time, even at the expense of my children. I am hyper-sexual to the point of disgust. I have spent so much money that we can no longer go on vacation because of the debt I've acquired, Yay me! People notice my bizarre behavior when I get up and walk around and around, or shake back and forth. Or, when I tell my husband I want to go to a nightclub and get drunk and then I want to drive and drive and drive but he insists the answer is no because I am "out of my mind." And I am "making poor decisions." But, I wonder if it is always this bad or if this and when I am psychotic are the only times I notice it. Admittedly, last fall, my judgement was so poor, I left my daughter, then and infant, in the car unattended. I completely forgot she was out there sleeping. Thank God it was the perfect temperature but when comes that day when I make that fatal mistake? My kids already must think I'm nuts. Very frustrating. Anyway, I have ventured far from the topic of this thread, I am just wondering if it is always this bad or if maybe some people don't have it this bad and I don't either I just don't realize it.