I think that at least on your current meds you have a worse situation than a lot of people. I also think when every receptor in your brain is not being stimulated and some of the sedating receptors are soaking up some meds you may find your bipolar is very different. Even someone with a huge amount of caffeine in them forgets things that are important and can't focus. You are on the equivilant of 1000 cups of coffee every day. You really haven't had a chance to see what your bipolar is like without pregnancy/postpartum hormones or crazy med doctor. Some nice sedation may totally change how you experience all this. It took forever to find an AP I could tolerate and so when I started Seroquel we went up 25 mg per week. It was so hard waiting for it to work but it finally started to and suddenly things were different than they'd ever been. It was completely worth the wait. I wish it still worked as well but I have gotten 8 years out of it and it is still keeping me out of the hospital so it's still good. One change like that can be so huge.